So, there I was the other day, taking care of my three and a half year old daughter, who was sick with a bad cold. Considering she had a mild fever, and had been complaining of an earache on and off, I’d say the morning went rather smoothly. We watched a bit of television, read some books, played with puppets, did several potty runs, ate lunch, all without incident. She even took a nap without a hitch. Then, came the afternoon from HELL.
First, when she woke up from her nap, she started off by crying, and saying she missed her mommy. Still lying in her bed and in the midst of crying, she starts coughing and gagging from all the mucus her cold was producing. There was nothing I could do to stop the flood of tears, and snot emanating from my daughter. Cuddles did not help, and sternly telling her to stop did not help. In fact, I doubt a taser or bazooka would have had any effect either, such was the depth of her despair at that moment. I calmly suggested she did not even have to get up, that she could just lay down, and continue her nap. This only made matters worse. And so, I just decided to mop her face up as best I could, and wait for the slimy tsunami to subside.
When she had finally calmed down to sub-catastrophic levels, I decided she needed to go potty, before yet another orifice of hers began leaking at an inopportune moment. Upon arrival at the toilet, my daughter pulled her pants down, and, of course, the crying, snotting, coughing, and gagging was cranked up to max once more. And then, due to all her coughing and gagging, she vomited . Thankfully, it was just a gag reflex sort of thing, and not a full on, stomach emptying event. Just enough to make things really complicated at that particular moment.
With her pants hanging down to her knees, I tried to keep her from stepping into the spew on the floor, while wiping her eyes and nose from all that crying. Then, I mopped up the mess on the floor with the only thing I had at hand, which was toilet paper. Now, some of you don’t really know me that well, but, I can’t bend down at all. And so, I’m doing all this mopping up using the rubber tip of my cane and the above mentioned toilet paper, and then asking my daughter to pick up the sopping paper to throw in the toilet. Somehow, miraculously, we avoided stepping into her gag mess, and we got everything cleaned up.
With Annika finally beginning to calm down, even if only by a small fraction, she stepped up on her stool, and sat down on the toilet, WITHOUT her little potty insert. Of course, the toilet seat being much too big for my toddler, SPLOOSH she goes into the toilet water, practically disappearing into the bowl. Instantly, I hear a loud screech, and ”BWAAAAAAA”, her crying, snotting, gagging, and coughing ratchets up to full blast all over again. That last part was my fault, I asked her to sit down and she dutifully obeyed. Usually, she puts her own potty insert on the toilet, but, in the state she was in, she had forgotten, and daddy was too frazzled at that moment to notice it was missing.
Sigh. I quickly scooped her out of her improvised bidet, dried off her now cold and water-drippy bum, while hooking the insert with my cane, which was on far side of the toilet (of course) . I placed the insert on the toilet seat, and sat my daughter gently down again. There, much better, as now my daughter is at last sitting and tinkling as was my original intent. To her credit, my daughter recovered after all of that, and the afternoon began to improve. I guess there’s nothing like crying, snotting, coughing, gagging, puking, dunking your bum in ice cold water, and then having a good pee to brighten up your day.